The 438 kW Opel that South Africa won't buy even if it could

Nothing is more purposefully cheesy than a V8 Opel. Nothing but one with a red R badge and a bright green paint job. Yes please!

As is awesomely reported in Auto Express, Vauxhall, or as we know and love it here - Opel - will celebrate its 114 year history with an outrageous muscle car capable of a 4.2 second sprint from 0-100. The Opel VXR GTS-R (what a mouthful) will be the cherry on top of Opel's repertoire when it is released at this year Goodwood Festival of Speed.

Unfortunately however, unless you're a Brit with an unbelievable amount of luck (as only 15 will be released in the UK) or an Aussie buried in the deep end of V8 muscle car nostalgia that sweeps about down under as prolifically as it does in North America, it is unlikely that you will ever get to see one, never mind get to bullet one through the Karoo where cars like this were meant to be unleashed. The machine won't make its way to Africa - and that there is Gusheshe's saddest word.

Now, this is the point where I am supposed to say, 'What a pity. What a real shame. Because there ain't nothing like the splendid vulgarity of cheap V8s and the boundless love they have for your soul, like a big and sloppy, clumsy Labrador'.

But I won't say that. Nope. Not this time. Because it's not a pity. Not at all really. Because this here Opel VXR GTS-R, in all its V8 splendour, would cost you R1.25 Million if it ever arrived. In bright green nogal. With the R badge and all that Karoo bullet crap!

R1.25 Million - for an Opel?

I don't even have the effort to list the endless amount of better cars that you can buy for that and I won't even patronise you by doing so.

1.2 bar, for an Opel? Give us a break son.