All-new BMW X4: Ugly, Pointless & Expensive

February 15, 2018

The new BMW X4 has been unveiled. It's a BMW to say the least. Oh yes - and it's ugly. 

 

 

You probably don't give two tots but BMW have unveiled the new BMW X4, which looks as interesting as drying paint. As such, on a morning as momentous as this one in South Africa, we certainly won't try and force it down your throat to tell you all about the parts of it that are as boring as planks of wood.

 

It is a BMW, which is surely the only reason why it will sell anyway because why else would you want it? Seriously - what the hell is it? Ever since BMW began expanding their X range to numbers never-ending we truly do not understand what some of them are or the purpose of their existence. 

 

 

Turns out, we're not entirely sure what this X4 is either besides the fact that it is a BMW. It is a fat, larger and uglier 4-series, but not large enough to be an SUV, nor is it really shaped like a SUV. It's like a chubby, slightly raised station wagon, but without the station wagon because it has some sort of boot thing. It's like a soap bubble. It's pointless. It has no purpose in life. It's f-ugly.

 

 

Still, in admirable BMW style, the M-version of it will race to 100km/h in 4.8 seconds, which is 0.1 seconds faster than the M-diesel version of it. Perhaps that's the only mildly interesting thing about it, but irrelevant still. Because, be assured, the M version of it will be so expensive anyway, way more expensive than the already expensive base version, so do you even care?

 

So, thanks BMW - for this thing.

 

Not.

 

As for the starting price. Nothing confirmed yet but  we can't imagine the base model anywhere below R700 000.

 

 

 

 

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