New VW Touareg - forgettable but pleasing

We all know the VW Touareg and what it offers. It's pleasant. That's why we'll forget about it like all that came before it.

It's not often that VW doesn't enjoy the dominance of a segment in South Africa, but the large SUV segment is one of those. No one really knows someone who owns a Touareg because they probably own a Fortuner instead - or they've done the right thing and bought a double cab (perhaps even a VW Amarok).

As such, the Touareg is not a common sight on South African roads, which is probably a good thing because it is spelt really annoyingly and reads like a spastic squirrel.

The new Touareg however, spastically-named still, promises to break new ground in the segment where it will look to steal sales from the Audi Q7 on which it is based - which is like stealing your twin brother's girlfriend. It will do so with a huge-chromed smile and a 3-litre turbo diesel, which undoubtedly will be the most bought version here.

It will offer ample towing for the boat to die Hartenbos, or plenty space for the whole family who haven't seen their Transkei cousins since the last December holidays.

Nice, we say. Isn't that just great? Now, where's that Ranger brochure and how much is the new Hilux? TIA bro. We didn't make the rules. We just write about them.