It is bigger than a house. So, why not buy a house then and settle for a Range Rover?
Car brands are doing their utmost best to make a car to suit every size human, family and pocket in the world. And this, the X7 is on the far end of that size-spectrum because it is the biggest BMW in the world, which isn't as cool as it sounds.
Well, at least for GT MAG that is, because what the hell would we do with a BMW that looks like it could comfortably seat 33 people and then take them to the other side of the sun, when this side of the sun is just warm enough and airconned by a Range Rover?
Indeed, this BMW is built for people who get a kick out of buying massive machines at massive prices, because, well, BMW are tired of Range Rover bossing this segment.
Well, joke's on BMW. Range Rover will continue to boss this segment because that's what they do. Indeed, if Range Rover built an M4-sized sports car we would expect BMW to boss that because that's what they do!
But still, it didn't stop those ambitious Bavarians from building a BMW that doesn't fit inside the hull of a oil tanker, and until we are proven wrong about that we are sticking to that statement.
Alas, the world didn't need a massive BMW, but a massive BMW is what we got, with kidney grills designed like a brontosaurus' nostrils and the rest like a generic BMW that you wouldn't look twice at.
From its profile it looks like its falling in on itself from gravity alone, but thankfully, it's only from its profile really that you can see that this is not a X5, which now, by the way, looks like a toy car in the presence of this here 7-seater.
And that's the difference by the way. Seven seats of pure luxury, we're told, from this the latest luxury flagship from a brand that many South Africans love more than their first child.
As it is so, expect this to sell well in South Africa despite a ridiculous and yet-to-be-discovered price tag, and despite the diesel-only offerings, which some mad men might consider a little boring. But reasonable to be honest, because we're not entirely surely if this train carriage can be pulled by anything other than diesel power.
To get technical: The X7 M50d will push on 294kW and boasts 760Nm of torque, which is good. But, its little brother might have an issue moving itself about as it only pushes on 195kW and is called the the X7 xDrive30d, which is as boring and tedious to write as it is to read.
So don't get that one by the way. Because who wants a ship with an under-powered motor?
In fact, who wants a ship at all?
Not us either. We'd prefer a Range Rover.