The new Lady Landie is here! It's the new Range Rover Evoque and it's still our favourite red dress.
When the Evoque arrived seven years ago it was beautiful - truly - and props have to be given to to its designers for thinking ahead: This new one is not very different at all really from the old one, but doesn't look out of place among its contemporaries. That says a lot about good design.
Sure, this Evoque is not as striking as when the first arrived, but that would take a lot. Because, if you remember correctly, the Evoque was very surprising when it came and blew the segment into little bits. More importantly, it redefined the most manly of brands - Land Rover - and gave it a feminine touch.
Sure, you might argue that many women drive Range Rovers already and many men drive Evoques, but that doesn't change the truth about our motoring world. Some cars are more feminine than others and that's fine.
It doesn't change how good they are and in the case of the Evoque, doesn't change our feelings for it: We love the Evoque as much as we did when we saw it back then, but truth be told it is very much for ladies - and again - that's entirely fine.
You see, cars are alive. Like clothes, certain cars are for both men and women - like jeans and shirts. But some clothes look better on women, like long red dresses.
Sure, long red dresses probably look good on a lot of men too and that's their business, but again it doesn't change the fact that the dress itself was probably designed for the curves of a female and the man wearing it would probably agree.
Indeed, that there is the essence of the Evoque then. The red dress of the motoring world and the quintessential lady off-roader.
Now, to the car itself, which comes with unnecessary things. Like "Ground View" Technology, which is cool but pointless. It is tech that essentially turns the bonnet invisible so you can see what's underneath the car if you want to.
Now, we're not entirely sure why you need this because why in the world are you taking your Evoque off road? Who hikes in a red dress bro, and who hikes so intensely in one that you need see beneath the car? Not anyone we know.
Then, there's actual useful tech like the “ClearSight” rear-view mirror system, which, at a click of a button turns your rear view mirror into an HD camera so that you can continue to look backwards if the backseats are all clogged up.
On the topic back seats, Land Rover want you to know this: You get 2cm extra rear leg room, which is the most uncool thing GT MAG has ever reported on and you don't care one little bit. Indeed, you shouldn't because it's pointless to know because you'll never know it. Thanks Land Rover.
Finally, know this. Some of these will be hybrid when they arrive, which again you don't really care about. You care about the image that the Evoque portrays and whether or not you should try and convince your friends that you look good in a red dress.
Well, maybe you do brother. But we can almost guarantee you that your girlfriend looks better!