The Alpina B7 is a 3.6 second limousine!

Jip, with a 0-100km/h time on par with most super cars, you'd be forgiven for forgetting this: This is no super car!

Alpina. A very niche and very premium BMW-only tuning house that makes BMWs go faster than other very fast BMWs and makes politicians smile like an overpaid Eskom board. Perfect. 

That there is just how BMWs should go and just how politicians should smile. Lucky them. 

Oh how we love our overpaid politicians down in South Africa because it means that we get to see things like this in blue light brigades when we're bored in traffic.

Sub-4 second limousines with grills the size of Bosasa gates are just the sort of machines you need when looking for a pick-me-upper and a reminder of just how inconsequential you are.

What a pleasure...

So, how do they do it then? Not the politicians, but Alpina? Well, it's simple. They hand build and tweak existing BMW engines - in this case, a 4.4-litre twin-turbo V8 monster - then, send it back to the BMW factory to get a 7-series body, then, kindly, take it back to theirs to customise it even further for the super rich.

Indeed, that there is the most boring thing that you'll hear about Alpina today because from here on out you're only going to gawp.

Gawp, in this context, means to stare with your mouth open in shock and surprise.

For how's this: A top speed of 330km/h means that this Limo is faster than a BMW M4, which just made every Bedfordview gangster have a little cry.

Sorry my gheys, but you can't have it all! Well, unless you buy this here B7...

Then you can!

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